I have to accept the fact that i'm lonely. Eventually no one finds me as in they needed me. They only need me when they're at their worst or maybe they're having their hot stories to share. I can see myself never was important which i end up alone at the end. 
Like no one bother to care or to ask about 'have you eaten?' 'are you okay' ..
why can't i just i have life that i crave for. Best buddies hangout every weekend, window shopping together, dinner together, study together. I used to have that kind of buddies .. but that was a few years ago. I have to get used to it to LONELY life. Where i will end up dying alone in my own grave eventually. So .. cheerish to LONELY life

Psychiatrist

When i was young, i was tortured. Mentally & Physically. That time i was so afraid of doing mistakes.. because i know i will get beaten up or get screamed by 'them'. 
I get trauma with so many incidents that cause me this. I had trouble when 'they' shout or scream at me. My heart starts to beat fast & i will start shaking. I also had trouble with someone knocking at my door so loud. It reminds me a lot on what they did to me. i'll turn out from dead sleep into a zombi immediately as i hear there's a knock on my door. TBH, that affected me until now though. I even locked myself in the room almost all the time.

When i was primary, i get this bad 'habit' into myself till my mum brought me to the clinic. The doctor said i need to seek for a psychiatrist because i have psychology problem in me. I do understand why the doctor said that. Because i had emotionally problems.
I am not mental. or perhaps i am. but i just have problems with emotional.

On the year 2011, the one i love the most left.. It affected me .. like my whole life.
It may sounds crazy but after she left, i get to see her shadows next to me. I locked myself in the room crying for days after she left. I don't eat for months. infact i only drink a lot of water. I talked to myself almost every night & imagine that she would listen. 
Frankly said, i miss her terribly. I really do. I can't easily moved on because i know there won't be any human being would treat me like she did. She's happy now. That's what important. And, i'm happy with the one i love. DOT. 

Lonely

I'm a defination of lonely. It makes me feel lonely when i stood around people talking about their love ones, their lifes, and more. Somehow i feel invisible among them.
I miss being important. I miss people afraid of losing me. Well now, i don't even know am i important towards anyone. Is there anyone afraid of losing me?
I'm totally out of words right now. because its sad for me to think i'm that lonely..

2014

Hello Bloggers. It has been 2 years since the last time i blog. The last time i blogged i was just 16, now i grew older. Which i'm no longer in high school, i'm in University!

K, that's funny. Because i feel old. Life had been rough lately. Well it never went smooth anyway. Oh ya, the last time i blog i sound so unhappy & lonely. Now, um .. technically taken but i'm having issues with trust. Because i got dumped a few times lately. 

Its a long story but i'll share some here. Its hard to explain on the trust issue because it is more to afraid of losing again. Can you get it? My life will always be complicated though. A rollercoaster indeed. 

Scratch that, my broken heart feelings never actually end. :')

Now, i'm actually an Electric & Electrical Engineer in the making. Lol..

That sounds so funny because i'm not a clever kid after all. Never was.

Sunday.

Been busy a lot lately. Never had time for updating stuffs, even during the weekends.
Just got back from tuition which is today is SUNDAY. and i have nothing else to do
during weekends. Weekends is the only time to rest and to spend time so called 'FAMILY'.
I don't think that family bonding time ever occur before. I don't even have a taught about it.
I prefer having a busy weekends with my bandmates, running all over the field working out
under the hot sun than staying at home.

School? everything are the same except that i'm having my senior year which is busy
is my life caption atm. haha. Homeworks, studies and even my life at home is such
a pressure. If only life could be easier with me *sigh ..

Angels Cry

I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry
I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

A Lie.

I must admit that, i cried for you since the you left till today. Its a definitely a lie if i say i don't miss you. I can't stand a day without you, even i've been living without you for more than 365 days.
None of those days were the same when i'm with you. The smile on my face never the same since the day i left.