I have to accept the fact that i'm lonely. Eventually no one finds me as in they needed me. They only need me when they're at their worst or maybe they're having their hot stories to share. I can see myself never was important which i end up alone at the end. 
Like no one bother to care or to ask about 'have you eaten?' 'are you okay' ..
why can't i just i have life that i crave for. Best buddies hangout every weekend, window shopping together, dinner together, study together. I used to have that kind of buddies .. but that was a few years ago. I have to get used to it to LONELY life. Where i will end up dying alone in my own grave eventually. So .. cheerish to LONELY life

Psychiatrist

When i was young, i was tortured. Mentally & Physically. That time i was so afraid of doing mistakes.. because i know i will get beaten up or get screamed by 'them'. 
I get trauma with so many incidents that cause me this. I had trouble when 'they' shout or scream at me. My heart starts to beat fast & i will start shaking. I also had trouble with someone knocking at my door so loud. It reminds me a lot on what they did to me. i'll turn out from dead sleep into a zombi immediately as i hear there's a knock on my door. TBH, that affected me until now though. I even locked myself in the room almost all the time.

When i was primary, i get this bad 'habit' into myself till my mum brought me to the clinic. The doctor said i need to seek for a psychiatrist because i have psychology problem in me. I do understand why the doctor said that. Because i had emotionally problems.
I am not mental. or perhaps i am. but i just have problems with emotional.

On the year 2011, the one i love the most left.. It affected me .. like my whole life.
It may sounds crazy but after she left, i get to see her shadows next to me. I locked myself in the room crying for days after she left. I don't eat for months. infact i only drink a lot of water. I talked to myself almost every night & imagine that she would listen. 
Frankly said, i miss her terribly. I really do. I can't easily moved on because i know there won't be any human being would treat me like she did. She's happy now. That's what important. And, i'm happy with the one i love. DOT. 

Lonely

I'm a defination of lonely. It makes me feel lonely when i stood around people talking about their love ones, their lifes, and more. Somehow i feel invisible among them.
I miss being important. I miss people afraid of losing me. Well now, i don't even know am i important towards anyone. Is there anyone afraid of losing me?
I'm totally out of words right now. because its sad for me to think i'm that lonely..

2014

Hello Bloggers. It has been 2 years since the last time i blog. The last time i blogged i was just 16, now i grew older. Which i'm no longer in high school, i'm in University!

K, that's funny. Because i feel old. Life had been rough lately. Well it never went smooth anyway. Oh ya, the last time i blog i sound so unhappy & lonely. Now, um .. technically taken but i'm having issues with trust. Because i got dumped a few times lately. 

Its a long story but i'll share some here. Its hard to explain on the trust issue because it is more to afraid of losing again. Can you get it? My life will always be complicated though. A rollercoaster indeed. 

Scratch that, my broken heart feelings never actually end. :')

Now, i'm actually an Electric & Electrical Engineer in the making. Lol..

That sounds so funny because i'm not a clever kid after all. Never was.