Psychiatrist

When i was young, i was tortured. Mentally & Physically. That time i was so afraid of doing mistakes.. because i know i will get beaten up or get screamed by 'them'. 
I get trauma with so many incidents that cause me this. I had trouble when 'they' shout or scream at me. My heart starts to beat fast & i will start shaking. I also had trouble with someone knocking at my door so loud. It reminds me a lot on what they did to me. i'll turn out from dead sleep into a zombi immediately as i hear there's a knock on my door. TBH, that affected me until now though. I even locked myself in the room almost all the time.

When i was primary, i get this bad 'habit' into myself till my mum brought me to the clinic. The doctor said i need to seek for a psychiatrist because i have psychology problem in me. I do understand why the doctor said that. Because i had emotionally problems.
I am not mental. or perhaps i am. but i just have problems with emotional.

On the year 2011, the one i love the most left.. It affected me .. like my whole life.
It may sounds crazy but after she left, i get to see her shadows next to me. I locked myself in the room crying for days after she left. I don't eat for months. infact i only drink a lot of water. I talked to myself almost every night & imagine that she would listen. 
Frankly said, i miss her terribly. I really do. I can't easily moved on because i know there won't be any human being would treat me like she did. She's happy now. That's what important. And, i'm happy with the one i love. DOT.